“Over 18 … and Ready!” opens with a tour through old Hollywood and concludes with a deadly car crash. The creamy white center to this downbeat cinematic Oreo? Wall-to-wall T&A.
Intrigued? Don’t be. It’d be one thing if the movie had interesting characters or a compelling story to tie all of its random-seeming sex scenes together but, honestly, if either of those things were present in “Over 18 … and Ready!” then I must’ve dozed off at some point out of boredom.
Ostensibly, “Over 18” is about Lyn (block of wood Mary McRae), the candy-coated secretary of sleazy exploitation producer Barney Merritt. She wants to be the next starlet to hit it big in Merritt’s new movie, and she’s willing to sleep with everyone else in the film — Merritt, Merritt’s bisexual wife, a photographer she finds in the phone book — for a big break. The producer’s housekeeper is also in on much of the action, and although she and Lyn never get it on, it should be noted that the maid has the best body of the bunch.
The cast of this thing was clearly chosen based on their willingness to disrobe and rub up on each other over their capabilities as actors — you’ve heard third-graders give better line readings than these non-professionals. Poor McRae comes off the worst — the girl can’t even pick up a telephone convincingly but, hey, if chubby girls rolling around in dirty bathwater turns your crank, then McRae is your gal.
The best that can be said of “Over 18 … and Ready!” is that it is an equal opportunity sleazefest, with all of its sexual shenanigans designed to appeal to a wide variety of smut-loving filmgoers: Guy on girl, girl on girl, black on white, old on young, sadomasochistic whipping, the like. I’m not saying the movie doesn’t swing for the fences, but it is a great big swing and a miss if you’re looking to treat this as anything other than wank material.
“OVER 18 … AND READY!”
Rated: Not rated but contains nudity and sexual content
Director: Lloyd Allen
Starring: Mary McRae, Larry Martinelli
★½ (out of ★★★★)