Forget the politically incorrect title. The real crime of “Oriental Vixen” is that the adult film’s cast doesn’t seem to know how to have sex.
The stunningly lifeless “Oriental Vixen” exists in a weird gray area between hard- and soft-core pornography — there’s full-frontal nudity of both sexes, but there is no penetration and the men are never fully stimulated. What that leaves us with, then, is a 71-minute semi-porn in which all of its (awful) actors pretend to be having a ball as they fake-boink each other. Sorry, that’s boring.
The nominal setup is that seven American tourists are headed home after a weeklong vacation in Thailand. Via flashback, the film explores their sexual exploits at a Bangkok whorehouse, interspersed with non-flashback scenes of them taking turns on their comely tour guide (Monika Rohde). Cue the cheesy music and phony moans.
The success of any adult film lies in how effective it plays with each individual viewer. What you find sexy in “Oriental Vixen” may not be my cup of bubble tea; likewise, what I find boring about “Oriental Vixen” may be just what the doctor ordered for you. So I will just report that many of the “oriental” beauties in the film, as well as the “American” men (whose voices are dubbed — poorly), do not seem to be enjoying themselves one bit.
I know, I know. It’s borderline senseless to review a mindless sex film as if it has anything on its mind other than titillation. I will say this much for the movie: I did get a kick out of the Bangkok hooker exclaiming in perpetuity, “Sex with Tex! Sex with Tex!” as she rode one of the dudes, a Texas native. The tour guide is pretty babetastic, too. Beyond that, though, enduring “Oriental Vixen” in its entirety is about as much fun as contracting chlamydia.
Rated: X for nudity and sex
Director: Erwin C. Dietrich
Starring: Monika Rohde, Michel Jacot (Suzie China is nowhere to be found)
★ (out of ★★★★)